Archive for March, 2009
Here’s an example of a typical woman’s magazine (geared toward young women in their 18-20s or those middle aged women you usually find in Wal-mart stocking up on good deals). Let’s look at what this magazine has.
As you can see, they have all the factors that a women’s magazine has.
1. How To Make Oneself Beautiful in 10 Easy Steps (EVERY single woman’s magazine has to have this section. It’s very important. What woman does not want to learn how to be beautiful?)
2. 20 Shockingly Easy Dinners (Real Simple has a lot of these type of things. Prevention as well. It’s typical for any magazine to have a section on easy dinners or perfect meals.)
3. The New Sex Position that Works Every Time (plus 15 more ways just in case that one doesn’t work) (Typically Glamour or Cosmopolitan. Prevention does NOT have sex tips, but they will publish research on what sex does to your bloodstream. I don’t believe that Seventeen has sex tips. But they do have kissing tips and how to kiss on first dates.)
4. Massive Giveaways! What woman doesn’t want free stuff? (Almost every magazine. Make that every magazine. The giveaways range from free diet books to free dresses or gift cards to expensive stores.)
5. 700 Do’s, Don’ts, @ Deals. (EVERY magazine has a deal section. Prices vary from magazine but usually in the $100-300 range.)
6. And an interview with a celebrity! (Always have to have one. Real Simple uses famous fashion designers instead of celebrities.)
7. Cover shot of celebrity wearing something seductive (typically magazines like Oprah or Real Simple don’t have these. Oprah has Oprah. Real Simple has flowers.)
8. Ads. (Otherwise the editors would be eating soup for dinner every night. Not Creme De Bruleed Tomatöe, but Campells’ Lite Clam Chowder. Sometimes they call these Bonus Extra Covers.)
With a magazine like this, you’re ready to be perfect. Go get them, girl!
Ok, ok… enough with the satire for a while. I saw this product in a magazine (editor’s picks or something like that) and I honestly and genuinely like it. Even though it’s really pricey for me.
The classic Wiener Werkstatte textile patterns covering these beautifully made journals are guaranteed to transport you to turn-of-the-century Vienna, where style and creativity was the rule of the day” (The O List).
I tried to find pictures but couldn’t. I love to write, and I like journals, and I must say that these journals are very very nice. Sadly they’re too expensive for my tastes ($30 – $40 per journal).
But I found these AWESOME clothbound journals at Border’s bookstore for 5 DOLLARS. Take that!
PS: Please use the contact form to send in ideas! I love ideas… and any input would be greatly appreciated. ;)
I saw Jessica Alba’s endorsement for Revlon Custom Creations foundation on TV the other day. “What do women want? Foundation.” And not just ANY foundation. A foundation with an innovative bottle which offers five shade settings, making it easy to fine-tune your foundation shade for the perfect match. Not to mention that it also blends seamlessly into skin for a naturally flawless look. Finally. With just the turn of a dial. Finally.
The ad itself intrigued me. (OH MY GAH! FOUNDATION! OH MY GAH! JESSICA ALBA!) I went online and tried to find the ad on youtube but apparently it’s against TOS to put up that kind of stuff. Bummer. 3 product reviews and 4 wordpress blog reviews later, I gave up. If anyone has the dialogue I would appreciate it. You know where to reach me!
The next best thing is the paper version of the ad.
And of course, Jessica Alba says,
This shade is mine. Go get your own.
Of course I wouldn’t want to share makeup, as good as it is. Yes, even if Jessica Alba used it. Remember that both Shine, Glamour, and Prevention magazines all frown against ladies sharing makeup with their friends. Granted, it’s a rather nice way to try out makeup without buying it first – and no matter what celebrity says how awesome it is–yes, even if Jessica Alba says it’s AWESOME–it’s cool to know that you’re not wasting that 50 bucks on foundation you might dislike. Recession, remember? Gotta save. You can skip purchasing the foundation anyways *slap slap* oh noes, what am I saying? But get this, people. Sharing makeup could mean nasty germs. You could go blind. You could even die. So play it safe and don’t share makeup!
Back to foundation. I had a chat with a guy friend, named Rob.
Perfectlady: I was looking for a makeup ad today…
Rob: Makeup? yech…
Perfectlady: yup, jessica Alba
Revlon custom creations
Perfectlady: it was about foundation, specifically
Rob: ah…. foundation…
Rob: a Solid Rock on which to build upon?
The guy clearly does NOT get it. Foundation is not the Solid Rock on which to build upon… it is the Solid Rock upon which we beautiful laydeez put the rest of our makeup. Get a grip, dude! Ugh. Men.
What do women want? Foundation.
What kind of foundation do women want? Revlon Custom Creations foundation. A foundation that enables the woman to create the perfect shade with one simple twist of the dial. In stores for $13.99. Get your own. Now.
ps: I still have nightmares from the time a couple of my friends did a makeover on me. They took an eye pencil, grabbed my face, and commenced to poking my eyes out. I did not go blind, however. I did not die. Though I feared that that would be my fate.
“It took you 15 minutes to decide what to wear this morning. Choosing a sensible lunch will go much quicker.” fast food restaurant ad in O magazine (bolds theirs).
This ad addresses the issue that so many of us women struggle with. We have so many choices to make that it leaves time for little else. And yes, life’s full of choices. What to eat, which man to go out with, what to wear… as this ad accurately displays. In fact, with so many choices, it’s a relief to not have to make a difficult decision for once.
Decision-making applies to many things, especially to clothes. My clothes have to match. The accessories have to be used in such a way that I don’t look tacky. Makeup has to be applied so that I don’t look washed out. I don’t want to look like the cookie monster, I want to look BEAUTIFUL. Making oneself beautiful is an art. And taking only 15 minutes to do so… 15 minutes is really something to be proud of, for goodness’ sake. But all that aside, there are tough decisions in life, and there are easy decisions. Do I marry him, or do I not marry him? Do I want to put up with his annoying habit of chewing with his mouth open, or should I look for another guy? Should I wear the turquoise earrings or the pearl dangles?
Face it. Making decisions isn’t an easy thing to do at all, at times. It doesn’t help when, if you’re like me, you have a very very extensive spring wardrobe (bought for $929.5). If it were only a spring wardrobe, it wouldn’t be such a big deal. But no, add to that my winter wardrobe, and my fall wardrobe, and my collection of stud earrings that I’m hoping will come back into fashion. No wonder we women SUPPOSEDLY take a long time to choose what to wear in the morning. Thank God for places like this fast food chain who want to help us in the other decisions that we have to make.
After putting forth their statement, the ad offers a “solution” of sorts. The fast-food chain offers a healthy lunch which can be selected easily and quickly. I’m taking this to mean that they have fewer choices of food, thus making it easier for us to make decisions. So I’ll make up for it by choosing a sensible lunch quickly. With fewer choices, how hard can it be?
“Life’s full of choices. Who gives you more than [same fast food]?”
… I am very confused…
The perfect lady reads a lot of magazines. I love love love magazines!!! Especially women’s magazines. Nothing can come close to the scent of the perfume which wafts out of the magazine when I first open it.
Like the average woman, I read and subscribe to lots of magazines. In fact, I’ve read so many that I’m convinced that magazines are the solution to any problem under the sun. And it certainly seems to be true. Women have magazines for EVERYTHING imaginable. Need cooking advice? Check out Rachael Ray. Need advice on prom dresses? Check out Seventeen. Boys and sex? Cosmopolitan. Fashion? Glamour. How to live the best life? O. Money? Real Simple. The list goes on and on!
Even better, those magazines overlap. In Cosmopolitan or Glamour, I can read about the sordid details of Drew Barrymore’s love life right next to “10 Fashion Finds of the Month.” I can read inspirational articles on O on one page and on the next page I can look at a spread which has ladies modeling white under — oops, I think that’s an ad.
However, this means that the lady needing aid on any number of topics can quickly run to the drugstore and pick up a magazine. Problem solved! These magazines are a manual on how to live life perfectly. Rachael Ray teaches me and others how to cook perfectly. Better Home & Garden is all about how to decorate perfectly! Cosmopolitan teaches me how to have sex perfectly (9 sex tips that will have HIM begging for MORE!!!). It seems that very month, style and fashion experts come together on a quest to help the women of the world. They write articles making recommendations on what women have to wear and own and take pictures of the latest trends in fashion. Just imagine! With the time they spend writing and snapping pictures and designing purdy ads, it’s in my best interests to take advantage of this generosity and subscribe.
Advice is an integral part of these magazines. Sometimes I have serious problems. My boyfriend can’t be “turned on,” or “I have no idea who to trust with my hair,” or “my face looks like a tomato and I don’t know what to do.” There are times that I simply can’t hyp up my levels of Vitamin M tripoactin. During these times, I can flip open any one of my magazines and read advice written by experts and those who have spent their entire lifetimes researching. I know they can come to the rescue and tell me how to fix my problem, whatever it is.
No doubt about it. With any one (or two, or three) of these magazines, I’m armed and ready to take on life and live it to the fullest!
Let’s see, this week’s issue of Glamour recommends that I wear the skinny jeans with the baggy fuchsia top and the dark pink lipstick to match. Drew Barrymore recommends Covergirl’s Lipstain for enduring color. And they say I should throw out all the chunky neckalaces I bought two months ago, because they’re “out” and chunky earrings are in…
The perfect lady wears big bold earrings to make an entrance and to spark a conversation (O magazine).
I read in O and in Yahoo’s Shine fashion column that owning a pair of huge, “knockout” earrings are a staple (at least for this season). If I didn’t own at least 5 pairs of HUGE earrings, I was supposed to go out and buy 5. Now. I HAD to have them. Why? Apparently they’re not only necessary to make an entrance but make great conversation pieces! Now I can leave Aunt Boe’s antique chamber pot at home. Anyways. For the entrance, should I go for those gorgeous earrings that literally reach my knees? Or something like that model’s earrings. As big as my head. And if I were at a lost for words, I could always expound on the qualities of big earrings and what they do to my face! ”The shape of these teardrops make my chubby face look longer.” I don’t have to make up stuff about my nonexistent love life anymore!
And lastly –
“Fashion people! You better not change the trends too fast, do you hear me?? I just got used to wearing big earrings, and I spent about $500 for the 5 pairs that the magazine said I HAD to have! So you better not change the trend next month to studs or something like that, because I’m going to be very upset!”
The perfect lady likes to dress up. I do, too, when I’m not layering multiple layers of blush with many colors and textures to achieve that “natural” glow.
And spring is a woman’s time to dress up! I was enthusiastic to find out that many magazines, including Real Simple, updated their style section to reveal real steals for this season’s wardrobe! 14 fresh ideas, all under $100!!! OH MY GAH! And so cheap, too! Just think! Under $100 dollars! And to think that I’ve been spending $1000 for each new piece in my wardrobe.
Some of the pieces mentioned include Seychelles flats for $85, khakis for $74, a denim skirt for $79, a tulle jacket for $93, and a Tolani scarf for $85. Let’s see, if I added all 14 pieces up, it all comes to 929.5 dollars. That’s almost 1000! But that’s not bad compared to the grand I spend every season. After all, this is a recession. Many style magazines are advocating the “buy one expensive piece and wear it forever” method when it comes to clothes. But face it. There’s spring, summer, fall, and winter. Each new season demands a new wardrobe. That means that I can wear each new piece once this spring. Then when summer comes, Real Simple or wherever will release 14 more pieces under $100! And in fall, and winter, and… till then!
(For some confusion, go check the fashion watch sections that many of the same magazines have next to their “Great deals on clothes” sections. Real Simple had one, for fashionable spring pieces that you HAVE to get, for OVER $100!!!)
PS: I checked O magazine for their style watch. “What do we want? SPRING FASHION! How do we want it? CHEAP! blah blah blah fashion designer came to the rescue… kept the quality and the modest prices (nothing much over $200)…”
Do I have to say more?
Some of you may read women’s magazines, or even seen ads on TV geared toward women. Do you remember the cleaning ads? A lady cleans with little to no effort, and her family is happy. She can also do it with a business casual outfit!
Prevention Magazine is another of those magazines for women. While I’m not denying that it does have plenty of good advice, I’ve noticed that it DOES have some contradicting advice… and some stuff that makes no sense at all. (What? Layer 5 different blushes with different textures and colors to get a natural glow? Goodbye, natural glow. Hello, rash). Has any readers noticed that every single month, the exercise section always talks about “new research finding the perfect exercise techniques for faster fat burning results”? Every single month. Different exercises.
Not to mention the tear out checklist that’s included either at the back or at the front. This month it was “49 things to do this month.” 49???!!!! A freaking 49??? What the heck? That’s like… AHHHHH!!! 49 FREAKING THINGS TO DO TO BE PERFECT!!!
No wonder we feel that perfectness is unattainable.
Because it is.
Apparently, according to the media and sundry others, there’s some standard of perfectness that a lady has to attain. Join me on this adventure to discover just what makes a perfect lady. And thanks to people like Sarah Haskins of the show “Target Women” and Cathy Guisewite of the “Cathy” comic strip. You guys are my heroes.