Archive for June 13, 2009

Being Single: Part 2

rhodiumfingerprintweddingbandsIn my last post, I talked about what single women are like, and how we can turn into them if we stay single. Make no mistake: being single is evil. And a BIG problem.

Fortunately, there’s something we can do to fix this problem.

1. Read magazines. Lots of them. Magazines are the best source for dating advice. As well as tips on how to get an attractive guy. Cosmopolitan magazine tells you about the traits that will be sure to attract that guy. For example, you  have to dress for guys, not girls. Men want to see curves, baby. Give them curves. You also need to have a burning passion, and not just for him. I’m super enthusiastic about my lightsabers and my Mighty Muggs collection, for instance. Guys really like things like that.

Marie Claire has FOUR things you can do to attract guys. Smile, have sense of humor, tell the dude something he doesn’t know, and be independent.

Did you know that there are 7 main lightsaber forms in the Jedi Order?

Bet you didn’t know that.

Shine Yahoo! has the first seven steps on how to meet and keep a mate. The writer recommends making a list of all the qualities you want in a mate.

Glamour says that women should try out the sexy bedhead hairdo to attract guys. Apparently guys think that’s HOT. Sadly, they don’t know that the sexy bedhead look really takes as long as a perfect coiff. *sigh*

2. Get an account on eHarmony and USE it. It works. Just read the success stories.

How does eHarmony work?

At eHarmony, our patented Compatibility Matching System® narrows the field from millions of candidates to a highly select group of singles that are compatible with you. Unlike other sites where you can post a picture and paragraph and then browse the profiles of other users, eHarmony does the matching for you based on 29 DimensionsTM of personality that are scientifically-based predictors of long-term relationship success.

3. Listen to the Spammers. The worst when it comes to Singles Spam is Yahoo. See samples here. Lately Youtube has been pretty awful, too. There’s just so many chain messages telling you just how you can get a partner. Check them out here.

4. Join some matchmaking reality show. There’s the Millionaire Matchmaker.

With her business booming and her notoriety increasing, Stanger is at the top of her game as owner of a Los Angeles-based elite matchmaking service in which she helps wealthy men find the women of their dreams. But this season, there’s a twist, as Patti adds female millionairesses and gay millionaire clients to the mix.

There’s also Tough Love.

Eight women, struggling to find love, arrive at the VH1 Tough Love Boot camp to enlist the aide of mother and son Master Matchmakers, Steven and JoAnn Ward. First impressions are everything, and Steven wastes no time preparing the girls for love as he puts them through their first grueling exercise — learning what men really think of them based on their appearance alone. The feedback isn’t pretty, but it’s the truth, and after only one day at Boot Camp, one of the girls is sent to the hospital.

That’s the summary of the first episode. Steven and JoAnn Ward are helping these eight women find love. And this guy really knows how to do it.

At the season finale:

It’s been a long, emotional journey for our cast and this is the final challenge. Who will find true love, who will end their budding relationships, and who won’t be able to handle Steve’s final moment of Tough Love?

5. Rent a boyfriend. The people in China do it.

Lastly, relationships don’t last forever. At some point, they’ll end. That perfect hunk? Well… he has bad breath when he wakes up in the morning. It might end up that you’ll dump him over his Twitter addiction. Or his iTunes playlist. When that relationship turns into divorce, separation, or a nasty break up, remember that he’s just another picture to burn.

State the obvious
I didn’t get my perfect fantasy
I realized you love yourself
More that you could ever love me

So go and tell your friends
That I’m obsessive and crazy
That’s fine, I’ll tell mine
You’re gay and by the way

I hate that stupid old pickup truck
You never let me drive
You’re a redneck, heartbreak
Who’s really bad at lying

So watch me strike a match
On all my wasted time
As far as I’m concerned
You?re just another picture to burn

There’s no time for tears
I’m just sitting here planning my revenge
There’s nothing stopping me
From going out with all of your best friends

Happy Hunting!

June 13, 2009 at 2:07 pm 1 comment


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