The Arabian Performance Artist’s Anarcho-Syndicalist Nurse

The Arabian Performance Artist’s Anarcho-Syndicalist Nurse

Suleiman, a tanned, muscular Arab in his twenties, is living out his dream of being a performance artist. He performs in towns and cities all over the country, specializing in anything from swallowing swords to trapeze art.

Plus the adulation does much to attract the beautiful young women. Suleiman, a notorious ladykiller, can thus ensure that he always be with a female companion… or two. Having been orphaned at the tender age of two, this young man knows no other way of life.

All this changes when Suleiman is struck with a debilitating disease. This handsome hero must give up the performance work that he so loves. Just like that, the girls stop visiting him.

Weak and lonely, Suleiman contemplates suicide when he meets the beautiful, young, nubile Bettina. The feisty blonde touches his heart like no other. However, she is an anarcho-syndical, part of an elite sect that denounces sword-swallowing and trapeze work.

The fires of passion rage as Suleiman and Bettina both realize that Bettina and only she holds the key to Suleiman’s cure — and his destiny.

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I got this title from the Romance Novel Title Generator.

Here we have the formula for a typical eHarlequin or some other chain romance novel. First, there is the tortured hero. He has been orphaned and as a result cannot form emotional bonds to any other person (i.e., his womanizing minus the love). He has many partners and is a playboy. And he is hunky. I guarantee that i this becomes a real novel, his cover model will be waxed all over.

Of course, the partners disappear before or when he meets the One. I insert a dilemma here — he has a debilitating disease. (Fill in the blanks. Everything can be broken except where it counts.) Big problem!

Then he meets the One — who here is the typically feisty heroine. I used the word “nubile” to describe her, as it’s only one word and it gives the feeling that Bettina is shapely, buxom, and lovely to behold. She holds the key to his heart, etc etc. Anyway, Bettina in this case is the cure for Suleiman’s problem. That or the fire of their love. I also inserted a little quirk — she’s an anarcho-syndical. You can’t have a perfect heroine, after all. Just a nearly perfect one.

Have fun writing your own! With the Title Generator and the formula for romance novel success, you can never go wrong!

The Viking Earl’s Sleep-Deprived Wet Nurse

Handsome and muscular, Beor is the richest Viking Earl in the land. His ships always come back from raids with plenty of women slaves and treasure. Yet Beor’s heart, for all his wealth, is cold and empty, for none of these can ease his loneliness. 

This changes when a baby boy is left at his doorstep. Beor reluctantly takes the child in, with the excuse that it would be no trouble to take care of the baby until his parent’s are found. However, the baby desperately needs a wet nurse.

His newest woman slave, the beautiful and feisty Rosalina, agrees to help. Her heart is sorrowful because her husband recently died after a short and unhappy marriage, leaving her pregnant and alone. Unfortunately, she miscarried, and the milk must be used for someone. So she agrees to help the earl.

However, Beor is attracted to this beautiful and sad wet nurse. Sparks fly between them, and they cannot deny their attraction to one another. Will the lovely Rosalina fill the empty space in his heart? Will he claim her to his heart as his bride?

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I thought this up with the inspiration of the Romance Novel Generator. If I can write one, you can too. 

The Viking Earl I’m thinking about is “Pull My Finger.”

Thanks, Longmire.

Ridiculous Romance Novels: Cup Size

First of all, the guy looks rather disturbing, with bad hair. Second of all, the girl looks like she’s very much in awe of him.

Why?

Look at my retitling. 

However, it could be because of the manly way his shirt is falling off him, but is still tucked into his pants. The red belt is a nice touch, too. 

I thought the falling off shirt was restricted to young ladies with curves. Seems like that’s not true.

Ridiculous Romance Novels: Brainz Needed

He is sniffing her brains… that’s why his head is in that position. She looks happy. Twu Wuv!

Ridiculous Romance Novels: Gravity

Feel free to recaption  

A bit of trivia: Cassie Edwards is supposedly notoriously bad. At writing romance novels. This is an example of how bad her writing is. 

And she plagiarizes. Which is why her publishing company refused to renew her contract with them.

Caption Tuesday: Say you want my…. what?

Ok ladies, I’m starting a new feature called “Ridiculous Romance Novels.” I know you ladies LOVE romance novels. Yeah, I know they’re great, too. However, there are some covers which really are ridiculous. Every Tuesday, I’m going to take one cover and retitle it to fit the ridiculous cover art. I can’t work photoshop, but enjoy. On second thought I will be using LOLcats in the future.

Old title: Say You Want Me

New title: Feeding You My Finger

ps: send in your covers!!