The perfect lady and magazines
The perfect lady reads a lot of magazines. I love love love magazines!!! Especially women’s magazines. Nothing can come close to the scent of the perfume which wafts out of the magazine when I first open it.
Like the average woman, I read and subscribe to lots of magazines. In fact, I’ve read so many that I’m convinced that magazines are the solution to any problem under the sun. And it certainly seems to be true. Women have magazines for EVERYTHING imaginable. Need cooking advice? Check out Rachael Ray. Need advice on prom dresses? Check out Seventeen. Boys and sex? Cosmopolitan. Fashion? Glamour. How to live the best life? O. Money? Real Simple. The list goes on and on!
Even better, those magazines overlap. In Cosmopolitan or Glamour, I can read about the sordid details of Drew Barrymore’s love life right next to “10 Fashion Finds of the Month.” I can read inspirational articles on O on one page and on the next page I can look at a spread which has ladies modeling white under — oops, I think that’s an ad.
However, this means that the lady needing aid on any number of topics can quickly run to the drugstore and pick up a magazine. Problem solved! These magazines are a manual on how to live life perfectly. Rachael Ray teaches me and others how to cook perfectly. Better Home & Garden is all about how to decorate perfectly! Cosmopolitan teaches me how to have sex perfectly (9 sex tips that will have HIM begging for MORE!!!). It seems that very month, style and fashion experts come together on a quest to help the women of the world. They write articles making recommendations on what women have to wear and own and take pictures of the latest trends in fashion. Just imagine! With the time they spend writing and snapping pictures and designing purdy ads, it’s in my best interests to take advantage of this generosity and subscribe.
Advice is an integral part of these magazines. Sometimes I have serious problems. My boyfriend can’t be “turned on,” or “I have no idea who to trust with my hair,” or “my face looks like a tomato and I don’t know what to do.” There are times that I simply can’t hyp up my levels of Vitamin M tripoactin. During these times, I can flip open any one of my magazines and read advice written by experts and those who have spent their entire lifetimes researching. I know they can come to the rescue and tell me how to fix my problem, whatever it is.
No doubt about it. With any one (or two, or three) of these magazines, I’m armed and ready to take on life and live it to the fullest!
Let’s see, this week’s issue of Glamour recommends that I wear the skinny jeans with the baggy fuchsia top and the dark pink lipstick to match. Drew Barrymore recommends Covergirl’s Lipstain for enduring color. And they say I should throw out all the chunky neckalaces I bought two months ago, because they’re “out” and chunky earrings are in…