Archive for April, 2009

Romance Novel Title Generator 2

One of my favorite sites ever has come up with an awesome romance novel title generator! As if the other one wasn’t enough or didn’t give you good ideas.

Here it is.

Guaranteed hours and hours of fun! This title works slightly different than the other one in that it starts with “The” and then gives you an adjective and then a noun.

“The Spastic Soldier”

“The Moist Selkie”

“The Diurnal Sausage”

“The Swollen Viscount”

“The Partially Dressed Stud”

“The Hardened Stinkweed”

By the way, the contest doesn’t apply anymore. That was 4 years ago. But for story ideas… that’s pretty awesome. I’d enter if it wasn’t 4 years ago.

April 30, 2009 at 10:19 pm 3 comments

The Media and Boobies: What should the perfect lady think?

 

The media has a big hand in the popularity of this surgery. Celebrities are some of the most famous people to get enlargements. And when they get it right, the whole world is made aware. Of course, when they get it seriously wrong, the whole world knows as well, leaving us to tremble and say, “Oh, I wouldn’t want that to happen to me!”

6a00d83451ffd469e200e54f6d95448833-800wiTo give you an idea, Nicole Richie is on their hall of fame for 10 hottest breast implants. Before, she was like a stick. Literally. Then afterwards, she has these large, perfect boobs on her slender frame. The site (click “get it right”) says that these new boobs have given her a lot of confidence as well. So it’s not just us who needs the boost. It’s celebs as well. 

Hilary Swank also is another one. Her doctor says, “People who have recently ended a long-term relationship quite often undergo plastic surgery. For many of them, it symbolizes a new beginning, or a transformation into a new person.” And after all, she did get her new breasts after her breakup with Lowe.

What about Pamela Anderson? She became famous after appearing in Playboy with massive boobies. You could also say that she was famous for her huge boobies. Later she removed them, shocking everybody. “How would Anderson’s fame be maintained without her implants?” In response she had surgery and went back to her old size, telling people that she didn’t feel like herself without them. People say that she was responsible for the craze in the United States as well as the reason why Australian women are rushing off to get mega-sized implants

heatherbadboobsWhat about the hall of shame? BOOO. Victoria Beckham is one of the contenders. The funny thing is that Pamela Anderson also made the list. Janet Jackson also did. Heather Mills is there on the right. Draw your own conclusions.

Apparently, big breasts are currently a popular trend in the video game world as well. It’s actually quite common to play a video game and see that the women characters have large boobs. Maybe that’s a reason that a lot of guys who play video games take on female characters. Because it’s fun to watch them walk around. Sometimes I wonder where breast surgery has a place in the video game world. 

Here’s one from the Japanese video gaming world.

ninja-gaiden-2-new-meat-sonia-360

And here’s another one from America. Lara Croft: Tomb Raider. Does Lara Croft suffer from backache?

laracroft

And here’s a link to the top 25 sexiest video game characters of all time. Warning. Some explicit boobies. And turn the volume down unless you want to hear a fat old guy talk about whatever it is he’s selling. 

What do they have in common? Big breasts. BIG breasts.

From a gaming forum:

boobies

click to enlarge

tsundere20061216-06The Japanese anime/manga world follows the trend of big breasts. Anime characters have implants, too. Or look as if they do. I remember reading Full Metal Panic and noting that Kaname’s bazooms had to be fake. They’re ginormous. The manga had a few pictures of her naked in the shower, as well as plenty of bathing suit pictures. I could dig up some but I really don’t feel like doing it. The interesting thing is that Kaname lived in Japan in a more or less modern world. Japanese women typically don’t have big bazooms. I’m Asian. I would know. 

The artist is a man.

I’m not sure where this girl comes from, but I found her somewhere. She’s probably fan art drawn by some teenager who has dreams of being a manga artist.

girls193

But she’s strong, looks like she could kick butt, has long hair, bandages that only emphasize her curvacious shape, and… the boobs. Whoo. 

Maybe I should have censored it a little.

They actually look quite like implants, if you know the difference

Anyhow, moving on. 

0109-9780373305605-bigwRomance novels are another example. The typical romance novel heroine has big boobs and a curvacious shape. If she does not have one, she goes out and gets one. Including the typical story line of a fat heroine who is shy and gawky and fat getting captured by pirates, making her forced to slim down within a year. What stays? The bazooms. Therefore they are implants. Remember Survivor? The show.

The heroine in this novel to your right has zee perfect boobs. And displays them proudly. The guy looks like he may be interested in her. After all, boobies! He’s a desirable husband, but she’s even more desirable. I wonder why he’s not peering down her shirt. The way she’s leaning over doesn’t make it that hard. 

Sorry, my mind is in the gutter.

fda50789-84ba-45ec-a6f6-2b52f57e49f0img100Notorious Lord, Compromised Miss by Annie Burrows has an interesting cover as well. Her blouse shows off her assets. And why not? 

It should be interesting to note that never once you’ll see a flat chested heroine in a harlequin romance novel. Every single one is beautiful, with cleavage that many would die for. 

From this blog post:

There is a 23% chance that your heroine can fence, knows about guns, and can ride a horse astride, if she has had an unconventional upbringing. She will definitely have long, flowing hair (of whatever color) and pert, milky-white breasts. (Be sure to check these on any potential Heroines so you know which one is the right one.)

Here’s another example. It’s rather graphic in nature (at least for the kiddoes) so I’m linking it instead of posting it here. However, the lady has her breasts bursting out of her clothes (pert is a bit too weak to describe exactly what it is her boobs are doing). The hero is gripping her thigh with furious strength. And he has a bad tan.

In conclusion: Big boobs = owned by celebrities, manga/anime female characters, video game girl characters, and romance novel heroines.

Why not you, too?

April 29, 2009 at 10:12 am 3 comments

Ridiculous Romance Novels: Brainz Needed

brainz

He is sniffing her brains… that’s why his head is in that position. She looks happy. Twu Wuv!

April 28, 2009 at 7:31 am 2 comments

The perfect lady’s perfect man: the romance novel hero

0409-9780373693931-bigwDon’t you love romance novel heroes? They’re handsome, hairless, and absolutely anything a girl could ever wish for. Add to those adjectives “criminally handsome,” like my friend to the right here. 

There’s no denying that a romance novel hero leaves all the men you know in real life far behind. It should be a relief to know that my friend Catherine at Livejournal has written an entry called: “How to be a Romance Novel Hero.”

This post has all you guys need to be the best man a woman could ever want.

Here’s a few samples to show you just what she’s talking about. And she KNOWS what she’s talking about, believe me.

You must have powerful thighs. I guarantee you that if you find the paragraph which descibes the hero’s physique (and there’s always one, usually right at the beginning), it will say “His breeches clung to his powerful thighs.” 

You should be the Earl of something. The something should sound vaguely British but be impossible to find on a map. Think along the lines of “Deptford,” which is perfect because it has two syllables and lots of consonants, and because the initial “D” sounds very manly indeed.

87% of Romance Novel heroes are bitter, jaded, lonely, proud men who have decided that they can Never Find Love for one reason or another. Cultivate this attitude. Gaze off into the distance as though tormented by inner demons. Answer no less than 10% of remarks addressed to you with nothing but a bitter, sardonic laugh. (Example: “Oh… my lord… observe how the sunlight illumines the moors!” You: “Ha!”)

Read it. You will not be disappointed. Ladies, read it if you would like to know what kind of man you should be looking for. 

Side note: I could add my own requirements. For instance, his clothes should “cling to his well-muscled body alarmingly.” Secondly, being from Texas and being a cowboy is in. Thirdly, wardrobe of choice would be a puffy white shirt tucked into pants. But unbuttoned. Also waxing your chest. Hairy chests (at least in the US) are so yesterday. Don’t forget to shave your pits. Pectoral implants are in as well. Yes.

April 26, 2009 at 6:45 pm 2 comments

The Perfect Lady and her Horoscope

I’ve been doing a lot of browsing on my favorite sites. Sites like Cosmo, Glamour, Marie Claire, and Elle. I’ve noticed something funny. All these sites have a special section titled either “Horoscopes” or “Astrology.” Why?

imagesIt turns out that women are fascinated with horoscopes! We love to have hints about what the future may hold. Do we need to know if we’ll meet a man? Read the horoscope! Do we need to know if there’s any future in the relationship we’re in? Read the horoscope! Do we need to know if now is the most profitable time to take out the trash? Read the horoscope! The horoscope seems to have the answer to everything. And for many of us women, horoscopes are the first thing we turn to, and the thing that regulates our lives.

This comes as no surprise to Daily Telegraph astrologer Catherine Tennant. She said: “People are fascinated by horoscopes because it gives them a sense that they are connected to the cosmos, the pattern of stars and the planets…

She believes that astrology works on the belief that the sun is at the centre of our personality, as it is at the centre of the universe. “Forecasting is looking at where the planets are today and what their mathematical relationship is to your birth chart or your star sign. The pattern of the solar system when you were born will never exactly repeat itself. It is your unique natal chart. However, common horoscopes work by examining the position of your sun sign, you share these with a twelfth of the population.”

However, it seems that women are more fascinated with horoscopes than men. Why is that? I went on Menshealth.com to see if they had a horoscope. They didn’t. At least not on their front page where it could be immediately found. Instead, they had a section called “Guy Wisdom” which had advice on how to best look like a MH cover guy. As well as other things. Unfortunately I couldn’t find out exactly why women are thought more fascinated with horoscopes/astrology than guys, I just noted that it seemed to be an accepted thing.

From this dating advice website:

Women have a strange fascination with horoscopes, while most men tend to scoff at astrology. Show her how sensitive you are. Tell her that you looked up her horoscope. Just acknowledging that you bothered to read hers will be flattering to her.

Cost: Five minutes of your time.

Tip 1: You need to know her birth date and year.
Tip 2: Extra points if you looked up your compatibility.
Tip 3: Even more points if you remembered any of it and can quote something relevant.

I had a look at the different sites to see what they offered. Glamour.com has a dream dictionary. You can find out what your dreams are trying to tell you about your love, life, etc. Marie Claire has a horoscope for love and sex, food, life, fashion, and on and on. Cosmo is limited to the daily horoscope. Not much there. Elle has a love chart, and numerology as well as the daily horoscope. Shine @ yahoo gives you the option to get a personalized horoscope as well as a daily cosmic calendar. Oprah does NOT have a daily horoscope, but she has articles on how useful astrology is (very useful). The website for Seventeen also offers the daily horoscope (why am I not surprised?). Their site is (now I’m surprised) more advanced than a lot of the magazine sites out there. Not only do they have a daily horoscope. They also have a compatibility finder, a calculator that uses astrology to answer questions like “what gift should I buy for him?” They also have a Luck Guru and a Crystal Ball.

And a free widget! Shame on you, Cosmo and all you other sites!

piscesI’m a Pisces. According to Astrology Online, I am imaginative and sensitive, compassionate and kind, selfless and unworldly, intuitive and sympathetic. There’s a dark side to me, however. I am escapist and idealistic. Secretive and vague. Weak-willed and easily led.

I decided to have a look at a bunch of different horoscopes to see what is in my future! After all… every woman needs guidance from the stars.

Glamour: Your vision for the future is a bit foggy right now, but you need clarity now more than ever. Therefore, in order to understand what you want for yourself, you need to take all the time you need to ponder where you want to take your life over the next five years. Do not apologize for being slow — your future is too important! Luckily it won’t take long for you to come up with a few ideas, especially since you see a great opportunity that could change everything.

Marie Claire: They copied from Glamour! I don’t like it when the different sites pass around the same astrologist…

But still… what a mouthful of a horoscope. The vision is foggy… therefore you need clarity! Don’t worry, I’m used to waiting around.

Cosmo: If you want to redecorate but are on a tight budget, consider buying slipcovers that will hide the flaws and save you big bucks.

This is why I never make my bed. Instead I pull the top sheet over all the lumps and hide the lumps with stuffed animals.

Elle: You’ve been hiding your true leadership abilities under a rock. Life gets b-o-o-o-ring when you’re devoid of a challenge. Transform at least one coworker relationship today with a show of ballsiness. Of course you ARE aware that revealing your power could mean being saddled with greater responsibility. So be it. In terms of your own personal fulfillment, it’s better to be a little overloaded than way underwhelmed these days.

Wow… no wonder I was getting all snitchy on that guy who isn’t pulling his weight…

156702fishShine @ Yahoo: Don’t believe everything you hear today — especially if someone is trying to swell you something! Even ideas or ideologies should be suspect, as the world is filled with charlatans today.

For a few moments I was wondering if the astrologist was trying to tell me something.

Seventeen: Your ambition could rise today when the Aries moon makes you think more about what money means to your life. Maybe you will see an expensive prom dress that you know your folks will probably not want to buy — or you might just wish you had more cash. You are never powerless, especially with Pluto and the sun giving you the ability to work for the things you want.

What does money mean to my life? I sure need it if I’m going to survive. Thankfully Pluto and the Sun are here to help!

The Local Newspaper: Today features perplexing and random events. Go ahead and impose your own meaning on the situation. Your theory is as good as anyone else’s. Your mind needs to make sense of this before you can move on.

I am hungry. That means I need to eat. This theory is as good as my friend’s theory which says that I have nothing better to do with my time. My mind makes sense of this. Therefore I can move on.

Finally, I had some fun with Seventeen‘s crystal ball.

crystal

I typed, “What man am I going to meet?”

I got:

picture-12

Then I typed in, “Do horoscopes really work?”

perhaps

Iffy answer, don’t you think?

I had one final question for the crystal ball.

life

lifes

Evidently that’s a bad question.

April 25, 2009 at 12:58 pm 2 comments

The Perfect Lady and Boob Implants

“Then why is it that you stare at naked girls every change you get,” I said, “but not naked men?”

“It’s an aesthetic choice,” Bob [the Skull] said loftily. “As a gender, women exist on a plane far beyond men when it comes to the artistic appreciation of their external beauty.”

“And they have boobs,” I said.

“And they have boobs!” Bob agreed with a leer.

Turncoat, Dresden Files, by Jim Butcher

With the development of science, plastic surgery has become more and more advanced. Very soon, it MAY be possible to stay young and sexy with only a simple and inexpensive surgery. But meanwhile, we ladies make do with what we’ve got, huh?

And what we’ve got is boob surgery. Of late, breast implants has become the in thing. Not just those women who do reconstruction surgery after disease or cancer, but young women and old women alike. This is not restricted to females; either, but also extends to males. Surprising? Maybe not. This place says that breast augmentation was found in 2006 to be the number one procedure performed by plastic surgeons. This is followed in popularity by nose jobs, eyelid tucks, and lipo.

But why do so many woman want to get implants? Yahoo, as always, has answers. Some of the answers range from self-esteem issues to guy attention to media popularity. And it could be all those things. However, the Montecito Center for plastic surgery has 5 main reasons for getting implants. Some of them include finally fitting in those clothes that were somehow made for C cups. Or maybe your boobs are droopy. Or shrunken. But all that aside… getting a boob job may be able to help you get ahead at work.

Sadly, breast surgery is quite expensive. The cost depends by location, surgeon, and type of implant. Some places offer free consultations. Implant forum sums up the average cost:

Implants: $1000 
Dr. fee: $2000
 
Anesthesia: $1000
 
Medications: $50
 
Filling out a bikini: PRICELESS!!! 
(Prices vary)

This site also offers tips as to how to save for the big surgery as well as how to solicit money for it. There are actually sites that allow you to raise money for your new boobs. I actually found one site that can help YOU get the breasts you want. It has a picture of a rather shapely young woman. 

Ladies… have you ever wanted bigger breasts? But couldn’t afford the expensive costs of surgery?

Here is your opportunity to earn Free Breast Implants!

Gents… help the girl of YOUR dreams, get the body of her dreams. Develop a connection with a girl of your choice and help her earn Free Breast Implants!

This site appeals to both guys and girls. Girls who have always wanted bigger breasts but are poor. And guys who want to help out the girl of their dreams whose boobs just aren’t big enough. There’s also testimonials, and before and after pictures. And featured ladies with sad faces because their boobs aren’t big enough.

This lady gives 5 reasons why getting breast implants was the best 5000 bucks she ever spent. 

But aren’t they dangerous? Maybe. The FDA published an online report about the relative safety of breast implants. And yes, there are risks. Your implants may go all leaky. Or deflate (horrors!) or shift and look like one of those poor celebrities I’ve yet to talk about. This guy over here published a page giving 48 reasons why women shouldn’t get boob jobs. (I’m giving you the AOL special edition version with some of the pictures blocked out and a few “swear” words changed.) The pictures are quite graphic, but they show you what COULD happen. (And my, those boobs look like soccer balls hanging off a poor lady’s chest. Not what you want. Ever.)

Men, you can have them as well! Ever feel insecure about your small chest size? You can actually take pills to improve the size, in some cases. However, it’s been proved to be more worthwhile to get the pectoral implants. If (horrors!) you have exercised and exercised and are unable to have nice defined chest areas, this is your chance. They can also give you a huge boost of self-confidence so you can be like this:

hissy

Just look at that man, standing tall and straight, with his bulging pectorals reaching toward the sky. He has self-confidence, that one. Whether he exercised for it or got implants. 

inferiorThis brings up another issue. What if, after the pectoral surgery, your man’s breasts are bigger than yours? That’s certainly a bit of a problem, isn’t it? Why let him have all the fun? You can tell that that woman is a bit sad because she knows that after the implant surgery, his body leaves hers far behind. He, like a good man, is comforting her.

COMING UP: A look at the hand the media has played in the popularity of breast augmentation.

April 23, 2009 at 10:22 am 2 comments

Ridiculous Romance Novels: Gravity

gravitycall

Feel free to recaption 😉 

A bit of trivia: Cassie Edwards is supposedly notoriously bad. At writing romance novels. This is an example of how bad her writing is. 

And she plagiarizes. Which is why her publishing company refused to renew her contract with them.

April 21, 2009 at 11:29 am 7 comments

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