The perfect woman and the perfect man

April 12, 2009 at 9:35 am 10 comments

There’s something I’ve realized. For the perfect woman, there is the perfect man. But what makes a perfect man?

img_14871I used to think that the perfect man would look something like that. However, after many romance novels and magazines, I realized that I was very, very wrong. 

The perfect man looks like this.

per-ralp-ro100l-ad

Or this:

calvin-klein-man-ad

Or this: 

men-cologne

It’s pretty clear to me! You need a man who is SEXY. And he cannot be sexy unless he is also athletic. And the sexiness is produced emphasized by his “Man” perfume. A six-pack is a must. Just look at those bulging biceps! *drool*

Speaking of bulging biceps…

mens-1

Some men get their muscles from using perfume. Some of them do not. If that’s so, then they got them from following the steps in Men’s Health. If Oprah or Cosmo was the woman’s manual for perfectness, then Men’s Health is the man’s manual for perfectness.

Our favorite romance novels also mesmerize us. Why? The age-old tale of beautiful women and handsome men falling in love and ripping each other’s clothes off never grows old. However, these novels are good for another reason. By reading them, you can learn about what  makes a good mate and also learn what kind of person he should be.

0509-9780373693986-bigw9780821779927104099780373769339bigw

He should be tall, dark, and handsome. Again, the bulging biceps and six pack are emphasized here. He must be romantic and good in bed (come on, a man as handsome as that who walks around with no shirt must be good in bed). He must also be adventurous and look untamed. The perfect man walks around shirtless (as you can see from Hunting Down the Horseman) or have his shirt manfully open to his waist (To Seduce a Texan). That or a tight business suit which also looks like it’s going to come off because of the pull of passion. Anyways… we must not forget another important thing.

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Smooth pits! Hairless chest! A man who takes the time to shave everywhere else is definitely worth it.

Celebrities and movie stars make good models of the perfect man. They are rich, handsome, and charming. Look at the kind of men our perfect women are with.

Brangelina:

brangelina-easy

Many women think George Clooney is dreamy.

george-clooney-picture-3

I prefer Sean Connery. He has nice eyebrows.

sean_connery_as_bond

What better example than the actors who play the studs in the movies?

Finally, take a look at your favorite magazines. Oprah gives us checklists of what to look for in a man and what NOT to look for. Cosmo tells us that, and more. And more. They also have a guy gallery with plenty of guy pictures. And all of them hairless. Smooth pits. You got it. He should also work. I don’t mean have a job, though it would be great if he were a millionaire businessman. Know the saying, “Try before you buy”? Do it. If he doesn’t work, you can always take him back to the store. A perfect man needs to work. Some women have known the  horror of dating a man oozing with charm just like this guy hypnoseh_ad until they used the 99 things to do with a man and “tried” him out and found out that sadly, he didn’t live up to his claims of seduction. Must have been the perfume.

I have made a nifty little checklist you can tear out and place in your handbag.

The Perfect Man:

1. Sexy
2. Athletic
3. Exercise religiously
4. Six pack from exercising religiously
5. Bulging biceps from exercising religiously
6. Tall
7. Dark (unless he is Edward Cullen/a vampire)
edward_cullen_twilight-1246918. Handsome
9. Romantic
10. Adventurous
11. Go shirtless or have shirt manfully open to waist
12. No buttons
13. No hair, either
14. In his armpits. Or chest
15. Wear tux, sometimes
16. Dashing
17. Fulfill Oprah’s checklist
18. Has to “work.” You know what I mean.

If he does not fulfill all the items on this checklist, immediately TAKE HIM BACK TO WHERE YOU FOUND HIM.

Have fun! I wish you success!

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Entry filed under: Perfect Men. Tags: , , , .

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10 Comments Add your own

  • 1. alantru  |  April 13, 2009 at 1:30 pm

    Still, that little brown blob has his charm. In fact, I think he’s adorable. But, that’s probably because I look sort of look like him.

    🙂

    Reply
    • 2. spamwarrior  |  April 13, 2009 at 2:06 pm

      Sorry, Alan. I don’t think you or him are going to end up on the cover of “His Most Manly Manliness.” 😦

      Reply
  • 3. WSW  |  April 15, 2009 at 2:06 am

    Lolz…where did you get all these M&B covers from…in my days (now I feel old,*rushes to apply anti-aging perfume) these romance novels were a lil subtle with doctors in cloaks working in a poor neighbourhood and the heroine gets swept off her feet when she realises that he also happens to be the only heir to mega-billionaire fashionista but left it all to serve the world, or he is an archeologist and they get lost while searching for ancient Inca gold!!!
    The only sad fact is most men dont get swept up with the whole body image thing as we women tend to do and are rather okay tending to their beer bellies..sigh!

    Reply
    • 4. spamwarrior  |  April 15, 2009 at 9:33 am

      HAHAHA actually these covers are of romance novels that are IN right now if you know what I mean. It seems that these days ladies love novels with half naked men with shiny abs. =P

      Reply
  • 5. togger  |  April 18, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    ewwwwwww
    i actually hate bulging biceps and sixpacs like that :p TOO… BULGY! hahahahaa
    funny post 😄

    Reply
  • 6. Another round of Perfect Men « How to be a perfect lady  |  April 28, 2009 at 11:49 am

    […] forget the checklist I made for you the other day. This guy HAS IT […]

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  • […] interesting thing is that when a guy is not as hunky as the guy in the Calvin Klein ads, he’ll compare himself to someone less attractive to boost his ego. This is called the […]

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  • […] of the perfect men so you’ll know what you’re looking for. We’ve established that he should be hunky, wear purple vests, and be criminally handsome. However, there is another man that you should think […]

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  • 9. A Beautiful Disaster « Rain Reflections  |  June 3, 2009 at 10:09 am

    […] forget the romance novel covers! Some time ago I published something mocking this trend. You may find it here. You’ll see that shaved pits really are the way to […]

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  • 10. The Perfect Lady and Lists « How to be a perfect lady  |  June 29, 2009 at 11:53 am

    […] I can’t deny that lists are useful. My most famous list so far is regarding perfect men. What qualities must the perfect man have? It’s a short list of 18 items that you can print out and place into your 30 pound handbag […]

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