The perfect lady and tanning

June 4, 2009 at 10:27 am 4 comments


Summer is the season of imagination.

Often, we have imagined ourselves lying on a deck chair with our beautifully slim, toned bodies in a skimpy, two-piece bathing suit, getting an even, golden tan. A hunky, equally wonderfully tanned man with white teeth is there at our beck and call. At the moment, he is handing us a glass of cool, refreshing Metamusil. 

However, that cannot always be so. With the skin cancer movement, it is now unsafe to sit out in the sun for long periods of time. Your skin will become baked, fried. You could get age spots. You could get wrinkles. You could look older, for heavens’ sake. And leathery skin… who wants leathery skin? So instead, the hunky man beef is delegated to the task of slathering SPF 30 suntan lotion on our beautiful skin. 

Is there no way to get the beautiful tans the movie stars and supermodels have? For we must have a tan. We do know that everyone else has a tan in the summer. Why fall behind? Pale is out, despite the efforts of Edward Cullen, and tan is in.

Jennifer Lopez

Jennifer Lopez

There is a solution. Fear not, for there is sunless tanner! No we can get a tan that could indeed rival J-Lo’s fake bake. (Jennifer Lopez was voted number one best tan by Baked to orange perfection, she is said to have that “gorgeous sun-kissed look that is just about perfect.”)

captivesofthenightAfter all, in the past, the romance novels prophesied the beginnings of the sunless tanner. The covers spoke of a time when we would no longer be in danger of UV radiation and skin cancer. They also spoke, in their primitive way, of a time of orange tans. As they were not yet in the enlightened age that we are in right now, they looked at the orange tans, and they called them good. And there was evening, and there was morning. And lo, the tans faded.

img-mg---celebrity-tans---donald-trump_194629659991Even Donald Trump is getting into the act. He has been seen around town sporting an orange tan. Even at his age, too! (How old is he, anyway?) Make no mistake, sun or no sun, fake tans are fashionable. Romance novel covers have them. Jennifer Lopez has them. Even the great Donald Trump has them! 

The magazines abound with tips on how to get the best fake tan. They have come to the rescue, telling us that yes, we can get a tan that rivals even Jennifer Lopez. They also tell us what looks to avoid.

fake-tanning-brooke-hogan-400a071707For example, an AOL site has published a list of celebrity fake tanning disasters. Among the members of the list is Brooke Hogan (on the right), a star who has made both the fake tan disaster list and the perfect tan list. Don’t look like her, but do look like her. Simple! It really isn’t that hard to get orange.

The site Radar Online tells us how to tan like a celebrity. They say, “everyone wants the perfect tan but tanning in the sun is sooo last decade, not to mention dangerous.” The tanning system they have is $149. In a word, airbrush (not the computer kind). It supposedly lasts 14 days.

besl04_beautycrisis0806Cosmo has a list of 10 sunless tanners that will have you looking like a bronzed beauty in no time! There is St. Tropez Whipped Mousse, which supposedly is a celeb favorite. There’s also Victoria’s Secret Gleaming Self-Tan Body Tint, which doesn’t have the nasty smell that most tanners come with. It costs eighteen bucks. Picture on the left. There’s shimmery leg gel, a tanner that produces believable color (uhh. Orange?), and a sunless foam for beginners. 

Thankfully, Cosmo also has a guide on how to tan perfectly. Scrub your skin, enhance, base, get instant results, put on gloves, broad strokes, and tone down any streaks.

NiveaSunkissedShaveGlamour also has nine products that are the ultimate guide to self-tanning. “Go ahead, get glowing.” Their products are different from Cosmo‘s. The list includes Nivea Sun-Kissed Beautiful Legs, Clinique’s lotion that will give you an extra sexy tan, Fusion Beauty Natural Protein Tan, and Lancome’s Flash Bronzer Airbrush, to name a few. 

Here are Allure‘s tips for getting the best spray tan. Prepare yourself by using a scrub to exfoliate, dress for the occasion by wearing paper underwear, go it alone (can’t understand what that means), look sharp, and make it last. 

Maybe with luck and much practice, you will get a tan that can rival even Jennifer Lopez’s or Brooke Hogan’s. 

Summer. The season of orange tans. Of orange celebrities promoting their orange tans. Of magazines which promise great products which might or might not give you orange tans… and you do want a tan like J-Lo’s, anyway.

Good luck, and happy tanning!

Next  up: A notably orange celebrity comes to the rescue with her own fake tanner line! You won’t believe who. 


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A life changed Celebrities and the Perfect Tan

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. stamperdad  |  June 4, 2009 at 11:22 am

    We men like to have tanned looks too, but we sure don’t like what the sun does to the skin over the long term.

    Thanks for sharing some product ideas. Do these wash off though?

  • 2. ¿W?  |  June 5, 2009 at 12:15 am

    First off, I will admit that I love tanning… not only do I enjoy spending time in the sun, I feel better-looking when my skin is tan (I think it evens out my skin tone when I’m very tan). However, when Marge came back from Italy and told me that I would have been discriminated against based on my skin tone, I decided tanning would no longer be a big factor of my summer! (I don’t want to be denied food or designer handbags!)

    Thanks for linking that disaster tanning page! Some people do take tanning too far. I wouldn’t put JLo up there as a perfect tan, personally. It’s a little unfair anyways… now all these white girls are expecting to get her color!

    That being said, I am going down to my apartment tomorrow and intend to go to the pool to tan! Wish me (cancer-free) luck!


    Maria from

    • 3. spamwarrior  |  June 5, 2009 at 12:33 am

      Plus J-Lo in that pic looks really really orange.

  • 4. Jewellery Gossip  |  June 11, 2009 at 5:09 am

    This is a really interesting post, everyone love a good tan! Really love your site, you have done so many fabulous posts! Would you be interested in a blog roll exchange?


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