How to be Happy: Glamour Style

July 19, 2009 at 3:27 pm 3 comments

299983279_d17fea7cdbOprah and Marie Claire have shared their respective secrets for happiness. So of course Glamour has to get into the game, right? Right.

They have devoted numerous articles to this subject. I will look at at least two.

In the first, one of the bloggers on staff posted about a Harvard Study that supposedly found the three true secrets of happiness. By that, you should take that to mean that these are the ULTIMATE secrets to happiness. Final.

At least until another study proves that chocolate is the true secret to happiness.

The next study involves Botox.

Anyway, in the happiness study, said Glamour, 268 Harvard sophomores were asked to participate for a whopping 72 years. This study, which started in 1937, tracked these sophomores as they grew old and died.

And at the end of this study, what did they find?

The Three True Secrets of Happeeness.

Guaranteed.

938615249_8f9a6249521. Have a healthy outlet for stress. A few days ago, my grandmother came to our house and started lecturing us on how we have to be understanding of my father and let him blow his top when he gets angry. I said something to the effect of “but being understanding doesn’t mean that him blowing his top and hurting people is acceptable.”

Her reply? “You want him to DIE!”

Um, no. I just want him to take up running.

So… running is a healthy outlet for stress. So is photography. I write and snark on certain places. It lets me release my stress without doing bad thing.

2. Don’t take life too seriously. Smile. Accept the ups and downs. Easier said than done, sure. But don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Grouches don’t get married, except to those with grouch fetishes.

Or as the Joker says: “Why so serious?”

3. Finally, share zee happeeness with zee WORLD! If you’re like me and are like a recluse, you will never be happy. The happy people are those who have relationships with friends and family and go out and eat with their friends and stuff. Remember a past post where another site told us that having a relationship is a good key to happiness? Well, it’s true. In a sense.

2973194536_835410c794The blogger adds her own thoughts:

(Have you ever taken a vacation alone or eaten dinner alone at a restaurant? Don’t you end up wanting to share the experience with a loved one?)

No, I haven’t. Because I don’t go to restaurants alone. I stay home. And if I take a vacation alone, it’s because I want some downtime from all the crazy people begging for my attention. (Kidding. Love you guys.)

The blogger added a postscript at the end, leaving the readers with some other tips to feel happy.

P.S. Feel-better moves: Wear red lipstick and shower in the dark and walk around naked and fly a kite and bake a cake with Pop Rocks and have an orgasm and wash your bras for once (ha!)

3578248556_513e5b235eFor there is a certain magic to wearing red lipstick (I believe it made men swarm around the blogger), showering in the dark (a sweet-smelling candle adds to the magic, and may even make you feel good after you fall with your face into the toilet), walking around naked (Um. “I could run around naked, free as a bird!”), and washing your bra. You wouldn’t believe how many women do not wash their bras.

What’s the other secret to happiness?

Botox.

You might think that Botox can only make you happy by its power to make you beautiful and expressionless. However, there’s more to Botox than a lack of expression, not the mention that you don’t get parenthesis on your face.

The girls in the beauty department at Glamour read an article about how Botox can treat clinical depression. Basically the expressions you make can have an effect on how you feel. So you if you smile, you will feel happy. If you look like a grouch, you will be a grouch. What you look like determines how you feel. I myself have read about this study before, and it’s interesting. A doctor injected some people with Botox until their brows weren’t all gross and wrinkly, and the after two months, a psychologist evaluated these people. He determined that nine of the ten people who had been depressed were no longer depressed.

458334304_3c850225a1You have to continue the Botox treatments to be happy, though.

Not very cost effective, right?

The banishment of a few wrinkles can make your life so much better.

So if you’re feeling unhappy, remember the Three Ultimate Tips for finding Happiness, besides other stuff like wearing red lipstick and walking around naked.

Finally, don’t forget the beauty treatment that can actually make you happy. Botox.

Happy Expressionlessness!

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Entry filed under: Happiness. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , .

How to be Happy: Marie Claire style It’s a Sad World

3 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Betty  |  July 19, 2009 at 3:38 pm

    I think not taking life seriously is the best thing by far. BEST!

    Reply
  • 2. alantru  |  July 20, 2009 at 1:41 am

    Ah, Glamour magazine. Always just a little too late to the party.

    Or according to the writers at Oprah and Marie Claire.

    Reply
  • 3. Anonymously Secret  |  July 20, 2009 at 4:00 am

    Nudity and orgasms. Thank you for the awesome tip! I shall be recommending them to my cranky old English teacher. (I wonder if she’ll spank me.)

    Although, I wouldn’t recommend the bathing in the dark part. I slipped once and if I hadn’t held onto something, my head would have landed in the toilet bowl. Not a pretty sight at all.

    BOTOX? Hell. If I said that to my mother, she’ll cry and complain to my father.

    Reply

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