Archive for September, 2009
In my past post, I evaluated seven of the 15 ways to pick up a guy this summer. But not just any guy. The Man of Your Dreams. The One.
These ways included such skills as acting like a total fool, and staring dreamily out of windows, waiting for your prince to come.
So let’s start where we left off: with Way 8.
Way 8: Get sweaty! No, not the way you think. Which is probably X rated anyway. The authorities give an example of a young woman who found a fabulous boyfriend after joining a kickball team. If it worked for her, chances are it will work for you too. Plus the teams are full of athletic, fun-loving guys. Plus you can play off stress that stems from not having a boyfriend while giving yourself a chance to meet a boy.
Way 9: Hit offbeat dating sites. <insert picture of woman kissing laptop>
If you’re tired of seeing the same disappointing profiles, don’t give up on online dating all together.
You just haven’t been looking in the right places. You’ve got to find some weird, geekier places. Try searching “online dating” plus your favorite hobby. You’ll be guaranteed to find some mighty interesting people that way. Have fun, and don’t let the herpes get you down.
When all else fails, bring on the laptop LURVVVV just like the blissful lady in the stock photo.
Way 10: Learn how his stomach thinks. According to another woman, the best place to meet guys is a restaurant. Chances are there will be a line of cute guys. And thus the chance to strike up a deep and meaningful conversation with a total stranger. While gazing deeply into his eyes over some chicken pot pie. And leaving, gazing longingly at the other while promising to keep in touch and exchange phone numbers.
By the way, learning how his stomach thinks implies that you have a guy in mind already. To strike up a conversation with him which would ultimately lead to love and a lifetime of gazing into each other’s eyes over a chicken pot pie dinner, one must know which restaurants he frequents, and follow him there.
Way 11: Make more female friends. Girl friends are awesome. They can help us out in the recycling plant business, among other things. However, they’re a stepping stool to a brighter future. You can actually use your female friends as a way to get to the man of your dreams. So when you go to a party, make a beeline for the most social, outgoing woman you can find. Not the hunk hanging around the hors de’oevres. (I think I spelled that wrong, too.) But the lady.
… An outgoing girl can be a fabulous gateway to a great guy.
Girl friends are not only the women we cry on after devastating breakups. They are recycling plant members, stepping stools, and gateways to a brighter future.
You can also stalk their Facebook pages searching for hot guys.
Way 12: Go to a coffee shop at 8 AM. According to blogger, it’s a “no-brainer way to make friends.” Like, duh. *bonks head*
Like, guy friends, in case you didn’t realize.
Because of the early time, guys won’t hit on girls. They’ll just be friendly and cute. Because there isn’t any alcohol, they won’t do bad things. Who knew how alcohol could change a person? You might want to reconsider the Twitter/Bar arrangement.
The only challenge is being chatty. But after 3 cups of coffee with 10 packets of artificial sweetener, you’ll have no problems.
Way 13: Conversation pieces are great things. Like the lady in the blog post who carried a cello around and ended up striking conversations with random people. While this was more of an accident than anything, it also works if you do it on purpose.
Because like girl friends, conversation pieces are a stepping stool to a better world.
Puppies are also good. They’re cute, fluffy, and people like to pet them. While they’re petting your poor innocent pup, you with your bright red lipstick (I am not making this up) will make a move on the hunk. Word for word, the blogger states, “So borrow a friend’s dog, put on red lipstick, and you’re good to go.”
Did they say “borrow”?
Yes, you read that right.
Meanwhile, as I have no talkative girlfriends who have puppies, I’m going to walk around my town and carry a toilet. Anyone care to join me?
Way 14: Movie night. This is sort of like the recycling plant idea, or the Tweet Bar idea, but more overt. You have to each invite five people that the other persons have not met. So start it with two people, and end up with 11. You can either stare at each others’ friends awkwardly, or you can talk about general stuff, or you can hit it off famously, or you can just sit and watch the movie and binge on popcorn. As you can see, you have lots of options.
I have no idea why the girl in the picture they used looks naked.
They recommend three movies: Surfwise, Man on Wire, and American Teen. Never heard of any of them.
Anyone up for a good ol’ Star Wars marathon?
You can eat all the popcorn yourself.
Because this email conveys all the desperation and loneliness of a woman near to cracking point. And spam is the way to a man’s heart.
The funny thing is, all her friends emailed her back with suggestions, willing to set her up with some men. Though she was worried about sounding desperate (hehe, um, haha), she came off as honest instead. People were willing to set her up as a result.
Honesty is the best policy in such a case. If you’re desperate, be honest about it. If you are tired of being alone, be honest about it. Maybe some kind person will have a little pity on you and set you up with the Man of your Dreams.
So now that you have all the ways to meet the man of your dreams this summer, what are you waiting for? Go out there and do it, girl. Guys, play along. Who knows what will happen? Some of these ways may look pretty foolish, like carrying a borrowed puppy, but hey, they supposedly work. Who am I to question the love bloggers? And if you meet a girl who looks overloaded on caffeine at 8 in the morning at a random coffee shop, do not blink your eyes. Do NOT. It is all in the quest for the man of her dreams, who might be well be you.